You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
