how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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