I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is wine microwaveable?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
