i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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