He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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