Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
