Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
