my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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