I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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