I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
