normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
