Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
