whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
