i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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