You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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