i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
