Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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