Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He did a backflip because drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
