I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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