no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
