she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
