Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
