I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize