his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just did a bump with my mom so Iโd sober up for Black Friday shopping
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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