Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
