I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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