He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We have started to decorate penises.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
