Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
