i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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