I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
