The maid of honor just puked.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
