hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
