Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
