So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
