his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
