did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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