So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
