Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
