I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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