Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you didnt know i had herpes?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize