So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I touched a dick in church today
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
