My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
