I look better un-naked...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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