When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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