In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
