OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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