His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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