My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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