my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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