Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize