Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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