i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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