I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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