I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
