Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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