This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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