You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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