She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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